


Answered Phone Calls

by dreamingmabel



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Angst, Brief Mentions Of Disordered Eating, Brief suicidal thoughts, Gen, I still havent read the manga or watched the 1999 version oops, Light Angst, Mentions of Murder, One Shot, Post 2011 Anime, The Leopika can be read as platonic, if you consider getting flustered at your friends laugh a platonic thing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-31
Updated: 2015-08-31
Packaged: 2018-04-18 08:19:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,324
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4698899
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dreamingmabel/pseuds/dreamingmabel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ultimately, Kurapika didn’t get any sleep. Just when he felt himself getting drowsy, the soft ringing of his phone awakened him.<br/>When the phone stopped ringing, he froze. The thought of no longer getting calls from the slightly older male was enough to practically send Kurapika into a panic, making him do something he would’ve never considered in the past.<br/>He called Leorio back.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Answered Phone Calls

**Author's Note:**

> Ahhh tbh I literally just finished HxH last night and I've never written anything for these characters before but I really wanted to. The characterization may be a bit off because of this, so sorry in advance if anything seems OOC!

The phone calls were almost a daily recurrence, although Kurapika would be lying if he said he really minded. He had quickly sunken into a new routine, mainly based around those calls from Leorio.  
It wasn’t as though he had anything better to do nowadays anyways.  
Sitting up in the unmade bed, Kurapika’s gray eyes moved to the window, squinting at the bright sunlight that shined through the window, having interrupted his sleep. Slowly, clumsily, he stood, walking over and closing the blinds, shutting off all traces of light and instantly darkening the apartment.  
It was never completely dark, however. Even if Kurapika wished it could be, the eyes he had collected always seemed to glow, illuminating the room with an almost sickening red light that never faded.  
It made him sick, the disembodied eyes floating in the jars, permanently stuck being that shade of red because someone decided they look beautiful like that. They made the walls and carpet look bloody. He could almost smell the death in the air, the same smell when he had killed Uvogin.  
Kurapika didn’t want to live like this, really, he didn’t, yet he couldn’t bring himself to move these eyes out of sight. His life’s work would all be for not if he did that, moved to a shelf in the back of a closet, just to be forgotten about.  
How could he ever even consider that..?  
Kurapika slumped against the wall momentarily, before moving, hands reaching until they found a light switch. Quickly, he switched it on, the light overhead coming to life, spilling a ghostly pale brightness into the bedroom, drowning out the red in it’s fluorescent glow.  
Gray eyes instantly squeezing shut, Kurapika stood there for a moment, before slowly reopening his eyes, getting accustomed to the harsh lighting.  
His room was a mess- this much was obvious when he actually looked at it. He was sleeping on just a bare mattress, the sheets and comforter more on the floor than the bed at this point. Clothes littered the ground, and empty plates sat stacked up on the bedside table. Not many plates, since he tended to skip meals, but enough that a fly buzzed annoyingly around, before landing and resting on his headboard. Disgusted, Kurapika dragged himself away from his room, not wanting to expand the energy to kill anything right now.  
He’d rather never kill again.  
He wouldn’t have let things get this bad in the past, he knew. There was a time where he had said retrieving his eyes and getting his revenge had been everything, but that wasn’t true. Back then, he had had his friends- he felt things other than rage when with them, although he tried to pretend he didn’t. He had time back then, time to clean, time to read, time to do anything he pleased.  
Anything he pleased. Kurapika scowled, shutting the door behind him as he made his way into the kitchen. Well, now he had all the time in the world for that. All the eyes were his, meaning his hard work had worn off. He most certainly had earned a break at this point.  
He grit his teeth at that thought. What had he earned? The eyes didn’t seem like a prize- he would never think of them that way, because that was how everyone else thought of them, and Kurapika refused to believe he was as bad as them. No matter how many people he had killed, how many dirty and underhanded things he had done, he had the right.  
That was the way revenge worked, but revenge was supposed to be sweet, and Kurapika couldn’t get the bitterness out of his mouth. It filled him up, forcing it’s way down his throat, making it hard breath, before wrapping around his heart, constricting it (a chain of his own judgement, he supposed, although nothing was conjured in that moment). Finally, the bitterness settled in his stomach, twisting his will, making it hard to stand.  
Then, just like that, all the negativity was gone.  
Bitterness, rage, sorrow… Kurapika would’ve chosen any of those over the empty feeling that pierced him at that moment.  
He leaned weakly against the counter, eyes staring at the floor, before moving towards the fridge. He turned and walked away from it, with the smallest shake of his head. He wasn’t that hungry, and there wouldn’t be much in there anyways. He should go somewhere, he decided, to the store, or maybe just on a walk- fresh air could be good for him. At the very least, a shower would be a good idea.  
Instead, his legs took him back to his room. He shut the door behind him and turned the light back off, leaving him trapped in the red glow. He took a step forward, then another, before just collapsing on his bed, pulling the blankets over him, trying to shut himself away from the world.  
“My only fear is that my rage will fade over time.”  
Wasn’t that a laugh? Kurapika wondered what he expected to happen once he collected all the eyes. Funny, now he couldn’t remember what he had thought, how he had felt back then. Maybe he had thought he would simply die in the process of collecting them.  
Maybe he’d be better off dead, rather than feeling this emptiness for the rest of his miserable life, rather than feel the blood on his hands, even when there was nothing there.  
The last survivor of the Kurta clan. He wondered if he should be proud of that title, of carrying on the clan’s legacy, but the thought of being proud of such a thing made him want to hurl. He moved his mouth weakly, squeezing his eyes closed.  
He could just lay here, he thought, rolling onto his side, trying to get comfortable, despite the nausea that wouldn’t seem to leave him alone. He was crying, he realized, but he’d be damned if he let that get in the way of shutting out the world for a while longer.  
He was already too awake, he knew, but he could force himself to sleep for a few more hours. He’d done it before, at other times when he was too tired to even exist, when he couldn’t stand being alive. He had tricked his brain, falling into a deep sleep, one often riddled with nightmares of awful things, and what-ifs.  
He always died in these what-ifs, and he briefly wondered if that was normal for people thinking about where their life could’ve taken them.  
Ultimately, Kurapika didn’t get any sleep. Just when he felt himself getting drowsy, the soft ringing of his phone awakened him. Sitting up, he fumbled with the smart phone for a brief moment, checking the time-  
Ah, of course. This was usually the time Leorio called anyways.  
Leorio, dear Leorio… Kurapika sighed, almost fondly. He never knew when to quit. He was too good a guy, too selfless. Kurapika didn’t think he deserved to be around a person like that.  
When the phone stopped ringing, he froze. Of course he couldn’t expect a heartfelt voice mail every time- Leorio had to be slowly realizing that something had happened, that he was being avoided. The thought of no longer getting calls from the slightly older male was enough to practically send Kurapika into a panic, making him do something he would’ve never considered in the past.  
He called Leorio back.  
The phone barely even hit two rings before Kurapika could hear him pick up. Leorio sounded frazzled, the words, “Hello? Kurapika?” Coming out of his mouth rapidly.  
“Yes,” Kurapika said softly, sitting up, leaning against the headboard of the bed. “It’s me. Hey.” His tone was too breathy, he knew, barely scraping the surface of the emotions he felt hidden away inside of him. He couldn’t let the other know how empty he truly was, otherwise Leorio would just worry.  
Kurapika didn’t deserve such nice friends, really.  
There was silence for a moment, and Kurapika wondered how half-assed the calls were at this point, if Leorio just did it now out of obligation rather than really wanting to talk to the blond. Honestly, Kurapika should’ve braced himself for that probability, but it was too late for that now.  
“Sorry, is it a bad time?” he asked. A strong part of him hoped Leorio would say, ‘yes,’ and hang up, never to call him again, so he could move on in the life he was barely living. A slightly stronger part of him, a more selfish part, wanted to stay on the phone with him, talking to him for as long as Leorio would allow, even if that was until the world itself ended.  
Of course, Kurapika frowned lightly, Leorio deserved the chance to decide for himself whether or not he really wanted to talk to Kurapika. It was his right, and after all that happened, he thought the other deserved the choice.  
“N-no! Not at all!” Leorio responded suddenly, and Kurapika blinked in surprise. Leorio sounded the same- loud and unapologetic. It was almost enough to make Kurapika smile.  
Almost.  
“Ah, good- I was worried I had interrupted you or something,” Kurapika fiddled with a strand of chin-length hair as he spoke, something to keep him busy.  
Leorio was silent for a moment, before Kurapika could hear a loud sigh on the other end. “You’re not slick, y’know?” The older male huffed. “I know you saw that I literally just called you ten seconds before you called me.”  
Busted. Reluctant to divulge in his true fears with Leorio, he just sighed lightly. “I suppose you’re right.”  
“Of course I am,” Leorio was quick to brush the matter aside. “Anyways, where are you? I’ve been trying to reach you for forever.”  
I know, Kurapika thought, the emptiness being replaced with guilt. You never stopped, and I’m truly grateful, even though you should’ve a long time ago.  
He didn’t say any of that aloud.  
“I’ve been busy,” he said, fully leaning back on the headboard now, biting his lip. “Really busy- what’s so important that you needed to call everyday, anyways?”  
Deep down, Kurapika hoped it was nothing, although he doubted that was the case. He wanted to think that Leorio just called because he cared about him, but he supposed that was foolish of him to think. Besides, if there was a reason Leorio was calling, it was best that Kurapika found out as soon as possible.  
“Ah- right,” Leorio stuttered a bit, mumbling something else that Kurapika didn’t catch under his breath, before continuing on. “Gon’s in the hospital- was in the hospital,” he quickly corrected.  
The news was enough to make Kurapika’s eyes burn, if only for a brief second, hands suddenly squeezing the phone he held. “What?!” he asked, voice loud, shock running through him.  
“Yeah,” Leorio, surprisingly enough, managed to stay grounded. “He’s fine now- first thing he did when he saw me was practically tackle me- well, I tackled him- it was a mutual tackle, but more of a hug,” he spoke quickly, Kurapika barely managing to keep up with his jumbled words. “You get it, though- he’s fine, so nothing to worry about!”  
“I see,” Kurapika managed to gain his composure back, a relieved sigh breaking past his lips. He pinched the bridge of his nose, squeezing his eyes shut again. So that was what Leorio wanted him to know. Everything was fine now, and the older male had no reason to call him anymore.  
He was freed from his newfound daily routine of sitting around, moping, sleeping, and waiting to just ignore the call, and that felt more like a curse than anything.  
“Is that all?” he finally asked, opening his eyes, feeling that they were wet. He wasn’t sure when he started crying, but he scowled lightly at the realization, wiping his face with his sleeve.  
“Huh?”  
Kurapika ground his teeth together, taking in a deep breath. “Is that all you needed me to know? Is that all you called for?” he clarified, not wanting to stay on the phone anymore, wondering how much longer he could keep his voice neutral like he was.  
Leorio’s deep intake of breath was instantaneous. “Are you kidding me? Of course that’s not all I called you for, Kurapika!” He sounded offended by the suggestion. “I wanted to check up on you, make sure you were okay. We’re buddies and you kind of… you just seemed to vanish off the face of the earth one day. I needed to make sure you were okay.”  
There was a long pause, Kurapika’s hand covering his mouth, trying to keep all noises in. He failed, trying to take a deep breath, but when he exhaled all that came out was a sob, much to Leorio’s alarm.  
“Kur-Kurapika?! Woah, you’re not crying, are you?” he asked rapidly, voice full of concern.  
He couldn’t stand it, he didn’t deserve this sort of care.  
“Leorio,” Kurapika sniffed, head rolling back, bumping into the headboard. “What do I do now?” Leorio stayed silent, and Kurapika took this as a sign to continue. “I gathered all the eyes. What’s my purpose now? What do I do now?”  
“Kurapika- why are you so sad that’s- that’s great!” Kurapika squeezed his eyes shut, wondering if their definitions of great were really the same. “You achieved your goal! What should you do? You should celebrate! Tell me where you are, I’ll buy a bottle of wine and be over as soon as possible.”  
So that was it. “You want to see me,” Kurapika said simply. A statement, not a question. Nevertheless, Leorio answered.  
“Of course. It’s been a long time,” he said, his tone softening considerably. “I’ve really missed you.”  
“I have too,” Kurapika admitted, hugging his knees to his chest, as though trying to become smaller. “I’ve really missed you too.”  
“Then-” Leorio started, but Kurapika was quick to interrupt.  
“Please understand,” he pleaded, trying to think of a way to fathom his thoughts into a spoken dialect. “It’s not that I don’t want to see you. I do,” he said, realizing just how much his words were true as he spoke them, “but not right now. It’s not a good time.”  
“When will there be a good time?” Leorio asked, sounding exasperated. Kurapika didn’t blame him.  
“I don’t know,” he answered honestly. “I just know that I feel if you see me right now, you’ll end up hating me- don’t tell me I’m wrong, please,” he sighed, feeling the other’s protest already begin. “It’s just how I feel.”  
“Fine. I can’t force you,” Leorio sighed, now sounding more exhausted in anything else. Kurapika winced slightly, wondering if it would have been easier to just ignore his phone, like he always did.  
“I’m sorry,” Kurapika said, wondering why those words existed when they did nothing to relieve the sense of guilt he felt.  
“Don’t apologize, it’s fine- well, no, it’s not fine,” he corrected himself, making Kurapika want to dig himself into a hole to hide in, “but I understand. Kind of. Not really, but I sort of do.”  
At that, Kurapika did smile, small and grateful. “Thanks, Leorio,” he said, squeezing his phone lightly.  
It was fine if he didn’t understand. Kurapika couldn’t quite understand himself, if he was being perfectly honest. There was just a feeling inside of him, one telling him he wasn’t ready to start allowing people back inside yet, one telling him that he was still stuck in a dark room that was dimly illuminated by glowing red eyes for the time being, and that was fine.  
“You’ll start answering my calls though, right?” Leorio questioned. Kurapika smiled again, covering his mouth as he quietly chuckled.  
The answer seemed so obvious to him, he couldn’t help but find the question just the slightest bit amusing.  
“Of course,” he replied, brushing a strand of hair behind his ear, only to be greeted with silence on the other end. His smile faded into a concerned frown, hand stilling, still ghosting over his hair. “...Leorio?”  
“Sorry,” the response came quickly, the note of a fluster in the other’s voice. “It’s just… I can’t remember the last time I heard you laugh. Or heard you in general. I’ve just missed you a lot.”  
“I’ve missed you too,” Kurapika repeats himself from earlier, his smile reappearing. “I’ve been…” he cleared his throat, unwilling to let himself cry a second time while talking to the same person. “I’ve been really lonely, to be completely honest.”  
“I figured,” Leorio sighed, and Kurapika thinks he can hear the squeaking of a chair in the background as it’s pushed backwards. There’s a brief hesitation, at that moment, and Kurapika sighs quietly in disappointment. “I have to go.”  
“You have to go,” Kurapika says at the same time, much to Leorio’s surprise.  
“Huh?”  
“Am I wrong?” Kurapika asks, blinking innocently. “I could tell from your tone of voice you were getting ready to say goodbye- I’m not exactly an expert, but you’re quite bad at hiding your emotions.”  
“Is that an insult?” Kurapika chuckled lightly, hearing the offense in Leorio’s voice.  
“No, not at all,” he said breezily. “I like that about you. You aren’t afraid to show how you really feel.”  
Another brief pause, and Kurapika wonders for a moment if that was the right thing to say. He blushes lightly, hearing Leorio awkwardly cough.  
“Yeah, well anyway-”  
“Wait!” Kurapika interrupts, hands squeezing the phone as one final thought occurs to him. “Leorio, you’re in medical school right now, are you not?”  
“Yeah, of course,” Leorio answers, and Kurapika finds himself unsurprised with this answer. Of course Leorio had gone to medical school as soon as possible, he became a hunter for the sole purpose of getting in.  
“Before you’re out, I’ll come to you,” Kurapika says, voice decisive. “I promise.”  
Yet another pause- too many pauses, when the time for this conversation is dwindling down, Kurapika thinks, but this one is quick enough to barely matter.  
“You better have come to at least visit by then,” Leorio says suddenly, voice loud and fierce. “That’s an entire four years- if you think I’m going that long without seeing you, you have another thing coming!”  
Kurapika chuckles lightly. He shouldn’t have expected anything else, he decides- especially not being shunned, Leorio would never be capable of such cruelty against a friend, no matter how long it had been.  
“I’ll see you soon then,” Kurapika said, smiling gently into the phone.  
“Soon?” Leorio asks, voice tinged with hope.  
“Sooner or later,” Kurapika corrects, and chuckles a bit. “I’ll talk to you tomorrow,” he adds, before hanging up.  
He just barely catches the, “Yeah… tomorrow,” from Leorio’s end of the phone.  
Setting his phone down on the bedside table, beside the stacks of plates, Kurapika stood from his nest on the bed. He looked towards the glowing eyes for a moment, as though pointedly staring them down, before turning away, walking towards the window.  
He achieved his goal. He should be celebrating, not listening to the ghosts that now inhabited his apartment, accusing him of crimes he was or wasn’t guilty of.  
He had spent enough time punishing himself, he decided, hands trailing along the blinds, picking up particles of dust. He couldn’t change the past, as unhappy with it as he was, but there was something waiting for him in the future, someone important ready for him whenever he was also ready.  
He no longer had to live for others, but instead he had to learn to live for himself. That was fine, he decided, he could do that much. It would be a learning process, but Kurapika liked to consider himself smart.  
Even so, if all he could do for now was roll up the blinds and let in the harsh light of day, he was more than ready for that challenge.


End file.
